Entry #5: Not Content, Hard to Enjoy
July 21 2022. I got sucked into gamedev in an unhealthy way. Couldn't stop myself to take breaks cause I was just so fixated on figuring out detecting "collisions" so the character wouldnt walk into shit. I have an idea that might work, but I'm not sure I'll try it tomorrow. I'll need some time where I have energy and can afford to use up brain power... or can afford to neglect myself if that bad habit happens again.
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July 22 2022. It is 6:30am. It's quiet and peaceful. I enjoy this... to a degree...
I know that it's probably best for me to just sit and enjoy this. It would be wise to save my energy and cognition for when I go over to a friend's house in about an hour or 2. It can be hard to keep up with the guy, and I usually need to take breaks.
While laying in bed relaxing, I was thinking about why it was kinda difficult for me to just lay there and enjoy it. The things I was feeling urges to do would have just made things harder for me with barely any benefit... I think I'm just not content with where my life is at, so I feel like I cant really enjoy peace for long, I usually have an urge that I need to do something to move forward...
I believe this is a desired societal effect. That people want to so something. Use their time productively. Give in to the hustle. Feeling much more accomplished after solving a problem like collision detection or other challenges at work or in private life. If you give your all and are always hustling, you will not have time to sit, admire the beauty of your surroundings, think how badly we should actually fight Against any further pollution or destruction of it.
You don't have to to let your mind wander and see how fast the gap between the wealthy and the others is getting and that this is 100% deliberate and avoidable.
Being busy and productive has been glorified way too much. And it is even more dangerous when you actually enjoy what you are doing at work. Working as product owner I can tell if I look at my 35 over hours in June alone .
So don't feel bad about it. Make yourself and the people in your life priority. Take time for doing nothing.
I'll try