July 19 2022. It 3:15pm right now. So far today has been a bunch of chaos. Right now I'm just laying in bed, wanting to not do anything for like 5 million years. At least I got a phone card for next month.

2am. Today hasnt been well. The phone card, and now a shower, was the only irl productive things i've done. Most of the time was napping cause exhausted, or dealing with my back hurting for some reason. Makes it hard for me to believe that the future would be better if normal days are like this.

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Being alive takes up alot of maintenance. If I have my own place, i'd have to keep track of toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, food, bills, dishes. I'd have to vaccume and sweep to keep the place from getting so dusty that it's hard to breathe. Shower, brush teeth, and obviously work to make the money. Oh and laundry. Plus alot of other monthly or yearly stuff. ... It feels depressing. Even tho I'd have

more freedom at my own place, I imagine that it would still feel like I'm struggling to manage things since these things aren't going away, or will get worse when I get my own place... I dont understand how normal people can do this. Also, I'm not known to make the best decisions...

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July 21 2022. 1am. I definitely feel like I'm grasping at straws. It would be great if I can say more, but that's all I really have right now. Trying to find a routine that successfully balances fun/fulfillment with chores/responsibilities feels... Idk, complicated??

... I was enjoying looking through things other people have made, mostly drawings. My current set up doesnt have a social component to it. Or maybe it does, I usually just check messages inbetween chores... Right now, I definitely dont have the brains to grasp what to do to be happy consistently, let alone in healthy ways that dont neglect other responsibilities...